I'm not a critic, but I'll review it because I feel like my opinion is valid.
In a nutshell, Aron Ralston was a dick and decided to go chill in Blue John Canyon by himself without telling anyone where the hell he was going.
He falls in a hole, gets his arm stuck to a boulder, and is forced to decide whether he should sit there and wait to die or do something about his problem.
So he cuts his arm off.
It's truly an inspiring story.
If I were ever in that position, I would have knocked my head against the boulder repeatedly in order to cause enough brain damage and eventually kill myself.
Who the hell even cuts their own arm off?
I cry when I stub my toe.
However, Aron Ralston is a badass motherfucker and continues to climb mountains and do all that athletic stuff I don't do because I am lazy and I don't have a life.
You should watch the movie.
Just do it.
Here's the trailer because I'm generous.
Sometimes I sit here on my bed and watch porn.
I think after a few thousand clicks you get bored of actually watching porn for pleasure and end up just watching to see who the person is behind the large throbbing black penis.
Who are the men behind the cameras?
Why does her vagina resemble an elephant ear?
Why are we not listening to Queen instead of elevator music?
These are important questions I want answered.
Feel free to answer these along with your thoughts on the porn industry and their choice of terrible music.
I'm really bad at updating these things.
However, I'm more than ready to keep you up to date with my exciting life!
There are no sarcastic undertones in this entire blog post whatsoever.
Anyway, today I think I fell in love.
Or my vagina did.
Normally, I would find it awkward to blog about my vagina, especially when I dedicated three entire blogs to it and realized posts such as "I bled today" and "I am lonely" were not follower worthy.
However, it fell in love with this man named Patrick.
He looks like Ash Stymest except more homosexual and I like it.
If I were not the more socially inept version of Liz Lemon, then I'd probably pursue this Patrick character.
My life is hard and I blog about important things.