Sunday, March 27, 2011

Quick Update

I feel like I should review more movies because my opinion is clearly more special than any other movie critic.
So since I'm feigning illness tomorrow, I will review the Black Swan and The King's Speech.
I am excited for myself!

Friday, March 25, 2011

My Review of 127 Hours

I'm not a critic, but I'll review it because I feel like my opinion is valid.

In a nutshell, Aron Ralston was a dick and decided to go chill in Blue John Canyon by himself without telling anyone where the hell he was going.
He falls in a hole, gets his arm stuck to a boulder, and is forced to decide whether he should sit there and wait to die or do something about his problem.
So he cuts his arm off.
It's truly an inspiring story.
If I were ever in that position, I would have knocked my head against the boulder repeatedly in order to cause enough brain damage and eventually kill myself.
Who the hell even cuts their own arm off?
I cry when I stub my toe.
However, Aron Ralston is a badass motherfucker and continues to climb mountains and do all that athletic stuff I don't do because I am lazy and I don't have a life.
You should watch the movie.
It's awesome.
Just do it.
Here's the trailer because I'm generous.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Good evening, folks

I actually hate the idea of doing homework.
Especially art homework.
Why the fuck am I getting graded on this? I know I'm amazing.
Important questions.

In other me related news...
I am going to try hookah for the very first time on Friday with my girls.
And by my girls I do not mean my breasts.
I have friends, okay.
Lifetime achievements right here.

Monday, March 7, 2011

My friend's dealer got arrested

And now the cops are able to see the hundreds even thousands of texts to him from my lovely friend.
This is why you always just sexts in exchange for drugs.
No secret code required.

Friday, March 4, 2011

In porn related news...

Sometimes I sit here on my bed and watch porn.
I think after a few thousand clicks you get bored of actually watching porn for pleasure and end up just watching to see who the person is behind the large throbbing black penis.
Who are the men behind the cameras?
Why does her vagina resemble an elephant ear?
Why are we not listening to Queen instead of elevator music?
These are important questions I want answered.

Feel free to answer these along with your thoughts on the porn industry and their choice of terrible music.
And men.

In sports related news...

Real Madrid won 7-0 against M├ílaga.
And Schalke won 1-0 against Bayern.

I forgot I had a blog

I'm really bad at updating these things.
However, I'm more than ready to keep you up to date with my exciting life!
There are no sarcastic undertones in this entire blog post whatsoever.

Anyway, today I think I fell in love.
Or my vagina did.
Normally, I would find it awkward to blog about my vagina, especially when I dedicated three entire blogs to it and realized posts such as "I bled today" and "I am lonely" were not follower worthy.
However, it fell in love with this man named Patrick.
He looks like Ash Stymest except more homosexual and I like it.
If I were not the more socially inept version of Liz Lemon, then I'd probably pursue this Patrick character.
Depression hurts.

My life is hard and I blog about important things.