BEING A WOMAN IS HARD

I am not kidding.
Today I was shopping for Spring clothes at a mall in New Jersey.
I shop in stores like PacSun and Forever 21 because I dress like an annoying hipster to piss everyone off.
Also the clothes are nice and they have nice fitting jeans.
In Pacsun, I grab a pair of skinny jeans in size 3, which is my usual size, and go to the fitting room to try them on.
They did fit, but they didn't look too good on me.
I guess I have been eating too many tacos at Chipotle but I CAN CLOG MY ARTERIES IF I WANT TO.
A young black lady working at the fitting room took a look at me and said, "Hmph, well, it's time to go a size up, young lady. Gotta start counting those calories. I know it's hard, but I know from experience."
Now, I can't say I don't love women with lovely lady lumps. I can't say that at all because that is probably me in the next ten years.
However if you're packing some junk in that trunk of yours, you have no right to tell me to count my calories.

Triflin ass hoe.

Also, I'm downloading Will & Grace season 1.

Everything is gay and ginger and nothing hurts.

I got excited today that I had 7 followers but quickly realized I accidentally followed myself.
I think that if I were not myself, I would follow me.
I'm just that wonderful.

Britney Spears is actually the woman I can never be.
However I will try my hardest to live up to the perfection that is her life.

I officially have two followers.
Should I feel important now?

In other news

It feels like I've been hit in the head by the angry fist of God.
He is clearly mad that I've ditched the Almighty church for a good day's sleep and porn.
Except I don't even like porn.
I'd much rather watch someone shove their angry fist up someone's orifice than sit through 45 minutes of Jesus preaching.
My choices in life make me happy.

I think it's a good day altogether when one of your favorite team wins.
Except you haven't seen the outside world since Monday and it's currently Wednesday and the sight of light makes you want to cringe.

Football > Life

You can't judge me cause I'm fabulous.