I am not kidding.
Today I was shopping for Spring clothes at a mall in New Jersey.
I shop in stores like PacSun and Forever 21 because I dress like an annoying hipster to piss everyone off.
Also the clothes are nice and they have nice fitting jeans.
In Pacsun, I grab a pair of skinny jeans in size 3, which is my usual size, and go to the fitting room to try them on.
They did fit, but they didn't look too good on me.
I guess I have been eating too many tacos at Chipotle but I CAN CLOG MY ARTERIES IF I WANT TO.
A young black lady working at the fitting room took a look at me and said, "Hmph, well, it's time to go a size up, young lady. Gotta start counting those calories. I know it's hard, but I know from experience."
Now, I can't say I don't love women with lovely lady lumps. I can't say that at all because that is probably me in the next ten years.
However if you're packing some junk in that trunk of yours, you have no right to tell me to count my calories.
Triflin ass hoe.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
In other news
It feels like I've been hit in the head by the angry fist of God.
He is clearly mad that I've ditched the Almighty church for a good day's sleep and porn.
Except I don't even like porn.
I'd much rather watch someone shove their angry fist up someone's orifice than sit through 45 minutes of Jesus preaching.
My choices in life make me happy.
He is clearly mad that I've ditched the Almighty church for a good day's sleep and porn.
Except I don't even like porn.
I'd much rather watch someone shove their angry fist up someone's orifice than sit through 45 minutes of Jesus preaching.
My choices in life make me happy.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I have successfully done nothing today.
Except watch the Real Madrid game which was excellent except for the fact that Yoann Gourcuff can't keep his fairy self from flying and it ended with a draw.
Benzema did a fucking fantastic job of scoring 40 seconds after walking onto the pitch.
I love my fellow legends.
Also, fuck you Olimpique Lyon.
Except watch the Real Madrid game which was excellent except for the fact that Yoann Gourcuff can't keep his fairy self from flying and it ended with a draw.
Benzema did a fucking fantastic job of scoring 40 seconds after walking onto the pitch.
I love my fellow legends.
Also, fuck you Olimpique Lyon.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Hormones
Despite me being a dick 99% of the time, I actually have a heart and found myself reading up on the Libyan protests.
It pains my little black heart to see people dying for their freedom.
I mean, I'm sitting on a comfy ass bed and drinking good tea.
I'm lucky.
As I watched Anderson Cooper explain the events occurring in Libya, instead of fighting the urge to fap furiously to the sight of that fine silver haired fox, I wrote a lengthy e-mail to my state senator and to the White House.
I'm being productive and I like it.
I'm all for peace, man.
It pains my little black heart to see people dying for their freedom.
I mean, I'm sitting on a comfy ass bed and drinking good tea.
I'm lucky.
As I watched Anderson Cooper explain the events occurring in Libya, instead of fighting the urge to fap furiously to the sight of that fine silver haired fox, I wrote a lengthy e-mail to my state senator and to the White House.
I'm being productive and I like it.
I'm all for peace, man.
Musings
I think as you get older you realize how many assholes dwell upon your every negative emotion.
As if people are sitting on my lawn with a bag of popcorn waiting for me to open a bottle of whiskey and drink myself to liver damage and eventual death.
It would almost be a blessing to be a whore and release my anger on idiots who think with their penis and come off as being only sexually frustrated instead of just god damned angry.
However being sexually frustrated is only a minor problem.
Goddammit, why can't I just stay home and paint and watch the soccer and eat Taco Bell all day?
I hope everyone gets herpes.
I hate people.
As if people are sitting on my lawn with a bag of popcorn waiting for me to open a bottle of whiskey and drink myself to liver damage and eventual death.
It would almost be a blessing to be a whore and release my anger on idiots who think with their penis and come off as being only sexually frustrated instead of just god damned angry.
However being sexually frustrated is only a minor problem.
Goddammit, why can't I just stay home and paint and watch the soccer and eat Taco Bell all day?
I hope everyone gets herpes.
I hate people.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)